Setting your Intentions to Heal

The last year was a bit of a roller coaster for me. I began the year with the intention to fulfill my dreams and continue to climb the fashion industry ladder. Not even a few weeks into 2019, the illnesses I had been ignoring for the past ten years overtook my body. It became clear that my new mission was to take the necessary time and make my health a priority. One of the hardest steps of this whole journey was admitting that I needed help.

By mid-February, I had been diagnosed with a pretty serious autoimmune disease. A slight state of panic set in as I realized the severity of my illness. I wasn’t the tough machine I thought I was. I had to step down from my pedestal and acknowledge that I was not invincible. I knew how much this disease had affected my uncle, and I was going to do everything in my power to not let it overtake my life.

Over the next year, I tried just about every trick in the book using natural remedies and self-care to heal my body. This included following an extremely strict diet that eliminated anything processed and brought me back to the basics, which almost immediately palliated my symptoms. But there was still something holding me back.

The true transformation happened once I addressed the emotional side of things. Being the “tough” personality type that I am, I had been holding on to a lot of unnecessary baggage, especially related to past relationship trauma. When bad things happen to me, I tend to bottle up all those emotions and push them down deep, instead of letting myself feel the emotions and move past them. Even though I have been single for two years now, by holding in these dark emotions and memories; I was never able to heal from them. My body was never able to leave flight or fight mode, which I believe was the root cause of my physical illnesses.

It was not an easy journey facing these demons. It took being truly honest with myself, reassuring myself that I am better than the horrible things that I have gone through. It took being honest with those around me, sharing my struggles, to know that I don’t have to go it alone. Through writing, meditation, dancing, and self-awareness, the walls around my heart began to break down.

Then, almost exactly one year after being diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis, came the best news I've heard in a long while. Through all of my natural medicine and self-healing, I was able to turn off one of my autoimmune markers. In order to have Ankylosing Spondylitis, you must have that specific marker test positive, so with mine now being negative, doctors can not, in good conscience, say I have this disease! We are talking about the same body, mind you, that just a year ago was covered in rashes, crippled with pain, and told by the doctors to start taking steroids.

I did that! I set the intention to heal my body and did it. I went against what the doctors’ orders, and followed my heart. I instead used the materials Mother Earth has already provided us with. I stuck with these natural remedies and strict diets and saw direct results. I worked through the past traumas I never wanted to face. And for that, I am damn proud of myself!

I still, of course, have the genetic predisposition for this autoimmune marker, so I will have to keep this lifestyle up for the rest of my life. But honestly, I could never imagine going back to my old ways. After seeing how food is supposed to make you feel when I think of sugar and carbs, I think pain. After feeling so at peace with myself, I never want to hold onto baggage again. It is a new journey every day, with many challenges, but it is worth it, I am worth it!

I hope that by sharing my story, you too may be encouraged to dig deeper into your own physical and mental health. Start to notice the way food makes you feel. Are you energized by it, or are you left feeling bloated and tired? Notice how you feel when you suppress your true feelings or go against your moral compass. And what better time than now, while we are all stuck at home alone. Dive down, and meet your inner self. You may just be surprised by what strength and power you truly possess.